Exclusive Interview with James Cameron

Christianity Today satires... err... interviews James Cameron. You can see the original HERE.

An Exclusive Interview with James Cameron
"I think you have the wrong guy!" he admits.
Interview by Ted Olsen posted 2/27/2007 01:12PM

James Cameron is the producer of "The Lost Tomb of Jesus," a Discovery Channel documentary that claims a tomb outside Jerusalem once held the remains of Jesus, Mary Magdalene, a "son of Jesus," and family members. We reached him at his home in Redding, California.

So, tell us about your interest in the historical Jesus.

Um, I guess I'm interested in Jesus, yeah. Where did you say you were from, again?

Christianity Today magazine.

Are you selling subscriptions or something?

No, we want to talk about your documentary.

What?

The one about Jesus' tomb.

Um, yeah, I think you have the wrong guy. I think you want the other James Cameron.

You're not James Cameron?

No, I am, but not …

… And your wife's name is Suzy?

Susanna.

Right. We found your number online. We figured the chances of you not being the filmmaker James Cameron are, like, a jillion to one. And you live in California, so that pretty much clinches it.

We're in Redding. Do you know where Redding is? It's, like, 500 miles from …

Let's get back on topic. What's your response to the criticism that no actual New Testament scholar supports your thesis?

Okay. We're done here. Don't call me ever again.

In the tie-in book, you say that "some of the most respected experts in biblical history and archaeology have contributed to this investigation." Could you name one who actually supports the argument that this is "the greatest archaeological story ever"? Just one? Hello? Mr. Cameron?

Elite Sports Physical Therapy

My friends, Jake and Jake (a.k.a., Jacon and Jachin; a.k.a., Li'l Jake and Big Jake), have opened a new physical therapy clinic in Fremont.


We attended the prayer dedication event yesterday where we helped the two Jakes commit to seeking God's will for them in all things ESPT (Elite Sports Physical Therapy). Pastor Hsu (Jachin's dad), Auntie Wanda (Jacon's mom), and Pastor Gregg prayed for them and their pursuits and we ended the night with dinner at Mayflower Restaurant.


It was a great event overall and we're very proud of them and their new venture.
Here are some pictures from last night.


If you are hyper-extended, sprained, strained, contused, inflamed, torn, or otherwise jacked up, please visit ESPT for some world-class therapy.

Ambica Mini Mart Sucks

On the return home from Los Angeles on our last trip there (documented here, here, here, here and here), we stopped for gas at a Valero Station in the Valley. Granada Hills, to be more specific. 15544 San Fernando Mission, Granada Hills, CA, to be precise.





Boy, oh, boy what a mistake that was. Let me tell you the story.

I had to use the restroom so while the tank was being filled, I went into the minimart, which is actually an Ambica Mini Mart, and asked to use their W.C. (that's Chinese for English for 'bathroom'). The guy who worked behind the counter, Kalam, had a weird scowl on his face. I suspect that he wasn't having a bad day. (Little did he know, his day was about to get a whole lot more...ermmm... "eventful"). Kalam's lovely wife handed me a "No Cash Value" quarter-sized token for the restroom located around the corner. After using their exceptionally and surprisingly clean bathroom, I hopped back in the MDX and started driving off.

Ker-Klunk!

Annie and I stared at each other, wide-eyed, wondering briefly what that noise was before it registered. Uh oh. I forgot to replace the gas nozzle and started driving off!!
I jumped out of the car to see what would have been a really hilarious sight if I were an innocent third party.

Oh, crud. Now what? I thought to myself. I looked up and here comes Kalam, sauntering towards me with a calm, aggrevated demeanor about him.

Long story short: Kalam wanted me to pay for the damage. The "damage", I opined, couldn't be very much considering the nature of the quick-release safety attachment that I disattached. Well, Kalam disagreed.

We went into his shop and argued for 30-minutes about who should pay for it.His stance: Even though I own and operate this shop, you should help me pay for damages I incur while operating my shop.My stance: If I use your bathroom and clog your toilet, you will bill me for the plummer you have to hire? I don't think so.

As a business owner, I know that if I'm in the field working an event and some kid trips over my tripod, knocks down my camera and it scatters across the dance floor in 14 pieces, I don't grab the kid by the collar and tell him to pay me $3500 to replace the camera. I call my insurance company and they handle it at no cost to the kid. I don't know why Kalam, Mr. "what-do-you-mean-who-am-i? I-am-here! I-am-Valero" himself thinks I should pay for his expenses.
In the end, I decide to give him my name and mailing address as well as my email address so that he can send me an invoice. Fine. I concede. I will help you pay for it. What's your name so I can have it for reference?

"No. I will not give you my name", says Kalam. (In case you are confused, I found out his name later and that's why I can refer to him as "Kalam". That's really his name - I'm not trying to be derrogatory.)

Then Kenny from headquarters calls. Apparently he has been watching us pantomime our dialogue on his video feed. The way we have been very animated in our conversation caused him to become concerned, I guess. I eventually spoke to Kenny on the phone and he agreed that Kalam should have given me his name. I exchanged information with Kenny and finally was able to go.

Last week I got a call from "Kenny" at Ambica Mini Mart and he said I owed them $135 and change. I explained that I didn't think that should be necessary because other station managers that I've spoken to since the incident occured said that they just pick up the phone and a gas station employee from headquarters or wherever, is usually dispatched the next day to fix the pump. Kenny alleges that their store is not owned by Valero so no Valero employee would come to fix it. He said that they are not franchised and that they have to handle these costs on their own.

I said, talk to my insurance company because AAA said they'd take care of it at no cost to me.

So, the short version is this: Daniel at AAA = Awesome. Kenny and Kalam = Really unawesome.

The moral of the story is two-fold:Valero sucks and don't forget to remove the pump from your car before driving off.

The Waitress Who Didn't Have a Chance

Today, the cliché about not being able to decide on what to make for dinner was more of a dull reality than a sitcom punchline. Annie was racking her brain trying to figure out what to make and, uncharacteristically, deferred to me to come up with a solution. I, on the other hand, did the very characteristic 'guy thing' to do: resolve to go out to eat.

So off we went to a local IHOP for a quick bite. The service was... shall we say, the opposite of impeccable; "peccable"? - I think that is actually a word. Anyway, it was really bad.

My friend Gregg will be laughing if he reads this because he's always saying how these bad service situations always happen to me while they rarely, if ever, happen to him. (Except when I'm around. Then it happens to him all the time.) I'm beginning to think Gregg is right.

After the waitress took our drink orders and returned with two waters for the kids, an iced tea for Annie, and hot coffee for me, I stopped her before she left and said, "when you get a chance, can you bring me a glass of water as well? Sorry. I should have asked for it before. Thanks." She replied kindly with a bubbley, "sure!"

After our food comes - about 15 minutes later - I kindly reminded her for my water again. "Can you bring me a glass of water when you get a chance?" Slightly embarrassed that she forgot, she assured me she would.

Annie, wanted some ketchup to go with her hash browns and scambled eggs and patiently waited for the waitress to return. Annie really didn't want to eat those side dishes without the ketchup so slowly, as sure as excited potato molecules eventually lose their momentum and cool down, her eggs and hash browns got cold. I, after eating half of my sandwich, was starting to get thirsty for some water to help wash down the bread.

The only time I saw our waitress was when she was waiting other tables.

On top of all that, there was this huge onion ring that was completely undercooked. Parts of the inside of the onion ring was all drippy and cold with uncooked batter. Yuck.

Finally, I spot a ketchup bottle at a nearby table that Annie had to just grab for herself. If we waited any longer, Annie's food would have gone from hot to cold to moldy. We ended up talking to another waitress about my request for water and I watched as she walked over to our waitress (who had just finished bringing drinks to another table and was taking their dinner order) to tell her to bring my water.

Our waitress looked up at me and mouthed the words, 'I'm sorry.'
OK, fine. She's sorry. She admitted she was at fault and felt bad. All is forgiven. But she was sorry, right? Oh, so wrong.

When the waitress finally returned to our table with my glass of water - a full 40-50 minutes after I initially asked for it, she said to me, "well, you said 'when you get a chance'; unfortunately, I didn't get a chance."

WTF!?

First of all, I was just being polite when I said 'when you get a chance.' It's just a polite thing to say. You mean if I had said, "get my water now" you would have gotten it for me right away?

Secondly, what do you mean you didn't get a chance? I saw you get drinks for two other tables in the time that you didn't get it for me. Certainly the water spigot from which you get your iced tap water isn't located in another room than where the soda fountain is located, is it? Surely the water isn't locked in the basement where you need two operators to simultaneously turn two separate keys in order to unlock the fireproof mag-lock safe, is it? You didn't have to boil the river water to kill all bacteria that might cause me dysentery, did you? You didn't have to make any ice from scratch or fetch it from a mountain top, did you? How can you not have a chance? It literally takes less-than-ten-seconds to get a glass of water. I bet you could get a glass of water faster than you can tie your shoes! Didn't get a chance. pfft, Sarah, please.

Thirdly, you are a waitress. You have one singular job: get stuff for people. It's not like you're running the UN Security Council. I get that if you had the skillset to work at a higher-paying job, you would, but I assume your boss thought you were qualified enough to shuttle plates back and forth between the kitchen and some diagrammed, numbered tables. If he didn't, I don't think he would have hired you. So why the betrayal of trust? Why stab your boss in the back when you said, "yes" to his question, "will you be able to get water for dudes that ask for water" and then straight up not do it? Why go back on your promise and make a liar out of your boss who surely tells his wife at home that all the waitresses he hires "can fetch junk from the kitchen on command"?

Fourthly,... actually, secondly again, (back to the whole "I didn't have a chance" thing) if you didn't have a chance to 'get stuff for people', what were you doing? Playing squash with your attorneys? Curing cancer? What were you doing that prevented you from "getting a chance" to do your job? Maybe you double as a super-villain and you were busy building a giant robot with which to rule the European Union. If that's the case, then all is fogiven (except for the part about trying to rule the European Union - if anyone should rule the EU, it should be all Americans, not just super-villains.) But somehow I doubt that was the case. I suspect you just forgot and a simple, sincere, "sorry. I totally forgot" would have sufficed.

Needless to say, I spoke to the supervisor working that night. She was very understanding and apologetic. She was empathetic enough to understand our frustration with everything and she was thoughtful enough to give us a 20% discount off our ticket.

It'll be a while before we go back to that IHOP, me thinks.

Word of the Day: "Red-neckery"

According to The Arab American News website "the [Canadian] village of Hérouxville, 1300 strong, is now hands-down champion of red-neckery."

Why?

Because, of course, the village approved some new ordinance that establishes some new rules about children carrying knives to school. According to the site, "in reference to the kirpan, a ceremonial dagger worn by Sikh men, the code states that in school '[the] children cannot carry any weapons real or fake.' "

How provincial.

Not only are children not allowed to carry knives into the school cafeteria, but employees are decidedly not going to be forced to cater to a minority of religiously pious folks by using privately owned company property to support their employees' personal religious ceremonies.

So unreasonable.

Get this: Not only does the code state "that employers are not obligated 'to supply a place of prayer,'" but "it also forbids the stoning of women, female circumcision, and the wearing of face coverings on the streets of the village."

Oh my. The barbarism. Red-neckery indeed.

The article can be found here: http://www.arabamericannews.com/newsarticle.php?articleid=7642

Valentine's Dinner

For Valentine's day, annie and I went to Nouvelle Bistro in Fremont.

The self-proclaimed ''Asian fusion'' cuisine in a fixed menu format was pretty good for a Fremont eatery. Here in Fremont , we're usually only exposed to the typical green-carpet-brass-fixture chain restaurant like Olive Garden or Sweet Tomatoes or patrons'-mean-age-above-60 stuffy old restaurants like Papillon or Massimo's.

Nouvelle Bistro is one of the best attempts at an upscaley Chinese restaurant that I've seen since we went to Sino restaurant at Santana Row. But even so, you still can't help but to think that they're just *trying* to be an excellent gourmet restaurant in the same vein as Manresa instead of just *being* one.

All in all, it was a pleasant quick night out (as parents, are there ever any other kinds?) but for the price we paid, a few dollars more would have purchased an outstanding meal at Syrah, a much better French fusion restaurant.

Here is a picture they took of us as a fun souvenir.

My first attempt at remote blogging

Until now i've always blogged from home or my laptop w/internet connection..
Now that I have a mobile emailing device (i know, ''finally'', says you blackberry-thumbed tech-heads) i'm going to try posting blogs from everywhere and anywhere.

(in case you are wondering where I am right now, i'm still sitting in front of my computer. I just happen to be using my phone instead of my PC.)

Let's see if this experiment is a success...

Nintendo DS

We finally caved in and bought Zach a Nintendo DS.

I really didn't like the idea because I hate it when kids go to restaurants with their parents and all they do is bury their noses in some portable game system, blipping and blooping their way through childhood in a virtual world.

No wonder so many kids have no sense of self and a distorted sense of what is right and wrong - they spend more time with Mario and Bowser than they do with mom and dad.

So why did we decide to get Zach a DS if I feel so strongly about this? Well, the reasons are two-fold: (1) If we know that we must control the kids' time with the DS and already have a plan in place to do so, it will be much easier to keep it from dominating their lives. (2) we owed Zach a big present for doing a good job as ring bearer for Auntie Peggy's wedding (see here) and we owed him a big present for being a ring bearer at Auntie Sophia's wedding (see here). Oh... wait... the reasons are three-fold if you include: (3) I wanted one.

Until recently, I didn't realize the DS allows you to play multiplayer games wi-fi with other units. Kerman and Todd both have a DS as well (as does Vicki) and so our next get-together will surely include some Bomber Man or Mario Kart. (We'll just have to make sure our virtual interactions don't interfere with our real-life social interactions.)

Camera constipation

"Camera Constipation" is a phenomenon that has mostly gone the way of the dodo bird. (i.e., extinct. More, specifically; extinct do to human advancement in camera technology... OK, not really.)

Camera Constipation is what my photography professor used to call the phenomenon where rolls of film sit inside one's camera for ages and ages do to lack of use. Once the film is finally developed, the prints are often washed out and desaturated as commonly evoked the response, "holy crud. I used to have hair!" when the photographer viewed the 4-year old pictures. It's kind of a time capsule of sorts, but not created on purpose.

Camera Constipation has more or less been eliminated from our generation's photographic exploits. With the onset of digital cameras, the instantaneous nature of viewing the pictures on the camera's LCD display, and the ease of which a person can download and print pictures at home, no one really has Camera Constipation anymore.

Continuing with the same analogy, here are some pictures I want to cleanse from the bowels of my new, blog-friendly camera/phone/pda.

A) Justin helping me compose the score to Metamorphosis 4: The Ragman.

B) My Duo Core Dell Inspiron on which I edit my Instant Videos and am currently working on M4

C) Justin's fingers doing the walking.

D) Gregg explaining something at a meeting.

E) People not listening to what Gregg is explaining at a meeting.

DBoz has fans

A videographer friend of mine from SoCal agreed to help me out on my shoot in Palos Verdes on February 4. Here is a picture of Daniel Boswell, also known as D-Boz, and me at La Venta.

I know you'll claim you have photographic proof, but honestly, I'm not actually 4'9" tall.

D-Boz (also known as DeeBoz) is 6'4".

The photo was taken by Hannah.

I have fans

I was googling my blog on blogsearch.google.com to see if it registers and discovered that I have fans.

Mandy got some of her facts mixed up, but I still appreciate that she thinks so highly of me.

Los Angeles Vacation (part 6)

Zach and Hannah at the "Corner Cafe" chowin' down on brownies, pretzels and cheese sauce, and some of mom's marshmallow rice crispy treats. Dad had coffee and a Coke. (Caffeine... must have more caffeine...)




CLICK HERE to see part one of the Disneyland video.

Los Angeles Vacation (Part 5)

Monday was our Disneyland day. I have a video (part one of two) that will follow this post, but for now, I wanted to post these two pictures.






Three things to note:

(1) After the ride's conclusion, Disneyland's Buzz Lightyear Astro Blaster ride allows you to enter your email into a kiosk and let the computer email your picture to you. That's pretty cool. (I wonder how many Disney-associated spam databases I just put myself on...)

(2) The lines at Disneyland that Monday morning were so short that we were able to go on the ride twice and we didn't wait more than 10-minutes either time.

(2) My score is awesome.

Los Angeles Vacation (part 4)

Sunday was Super Bowl Sunday for most of America. For us, it was Kevin and Sophia's wedding.
Zach and Hannah were the ring bearer and flower girl. This made for wedding #5 for Zach and #4 for Hannah. They've become quite the pros.




We had a minor emergency before we managed to get Zach into his rented tux. The tuxedo people messed up his measurements (as they are sworn to do) and we had to rush to get him the right tux. Here is a snapshot of what his tux looked like before we got the right sized tux. Note that the jacket reaches his knees. Yikes!

Here is a snap shot of the tailor who was buried underneath this building in an Indian tailor cemetery.

Here are some snapshots of Vicki, Rob, and Annie at La Venta.

Incidentally, because I couldn't watch the Super Bowl, I wanted to see if I could avoid finding out what happened. I would have been able to do it, actually, if it weren't for one friendly aunt who was just trying to be helpful. "Chicago lost the Super Bowl", she said. Argh.

Los Angeles Vacation (part 3)

After visiting Crystal Cathedral, we got some rest and headed to rehearsal dinner. This was somewhat awkward for me because I only knew a few people. But all in all it was OK.

Here is a video of Hannah and me messing around afterwards.

-----

edit: I mistakenly wrote "Grace" Cathedral instead of "Crystal" Cathedral. Fixed.

Los Angeles Vacation (part 2)

On day two of our vacation, we went to check out Crystal Cathedral*. It's a really pretty location with bible-themed statues and beautiful architecture.

These pictures are of the gift shop area and the "Possibility Thinkers" area. I don't really know what that ministry is all about, but you can probably find out at their website here.


Suffice it to say, this church has a bunch of money. Annie asked the question about whether a church of God should be so extravagent. I suppose there is a little bit of the "rich young prince" ideology that is applicable here, but if the glory generated by this church is redirected toward God, I can't see why it would be a bad thing. It is a bit of a slippery slope, though. Then again, if God were to build a church building, I don't know if it would be humble or grand.


Here is a video clip from day two of our Los Angeles vacation.
As before, this video was actually edited the same day as the events shown, but I didn't upload the video until today.

Enjoy it.
(*corrected from the previously incorrect, "Grace" Cathedral.)

Los Angeles Vacation

We left on Friday and drove down late. We drove at night so the kids would sleep most of the way. It's better for them, it's better for us.
We stayed at Annie's aunt's house and they were very gracious hosts. The kids slept on an air mattress in a room all by themselves. We didn't know this until later, but it turns out that the previous owners of the house had installed some sunshades on the outside of the windows so that the room could be reduced to pitch blackness. If we had known that, we probably could have prevented the kids from waking so early the next morning.

Anyway, here is a short video clip of our trip down to Los Angeles.
Enjoy.

This video was shot and edited on day one. I just didn't have an internet connection with which to upload this video.

Actresses are Awesome

Well, color me duped. I thought the "hair wig out" scenario was real. I said to my wife last night, referring to the video I posted HERE, "if that wasn't real, then those girls are really good actresses.

As it turns out, they're really good actresses.

CTV.ca reports:

It appears a popular YouTube video of a screaming bride-to-be with a bad haircut was actually spearheaded by a major hair product company.
Sunsilk Canada revealed Thursday that a video clip seen so far by more than 2 million people on the popular video portal YouTube was an "initiative" by the hair product company.

The article continues...

There had been widespread debate about the authenticity of the clip, titled "Bride Has Massive Hair Wig Out." As it airs on YouTube, the video appears to be an amateur recording of a young woman frantically chopping her hair off during a meltdown an hour before her wedding. It's not obvious that the video is a dramatization, nor that it's affiliated with any organization.

It was revealed earlier Thursday that the video, which even made it Wednesday onto NBC's The Today Show, was indeed fiction.

The actresses seem to be great friends and loyal to each other.

"We're all actors so we're really excited for all the opportunities for everyone," Jessie Behan, the real-life sister of Jodi, told Canada AM. The girls appeared on Good Morning America and and had been due to make an appearance on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. But when the producers told the foursome that only two could appear on the show, they turned down the offer.

The girls' attempts to gain notoriety has worked...

When asked if he thought the video was real, Toronto film director Norman Jewison told the newspaper on Wednesday that he suspected the video was staged. But he said he'd give her a job in an instant. "Wouldn't you hire her as an actress? I sure would," Jewison said. "If she's not one, then maybe she should become one. It's hysterical."

Brides are Awesome

I'm in the wedding industry so this kind of strikes a chord with me. I see a lot of funny and crazy stuff, but I've never seen anything quite like this.

The beginning seems slow and pointless but the pay off is worth the wait.


If you really are in a hurry, here's the short version. But like James Cameron's The Abyss, the abridged version just doesn't make sense.