Men = Out of Control Libido

I read a blurb on Michelle Malkin's site about the Sony Playstation game, Gods of War II.
She mused that the game "featured naked girls, bacchanalia, and a bloody, decapitated goat..."

I had to look up the term "bacchanalia" to better understand what Malkin was talking about. I assumed it was some sort of sordid sexual or violent ritual. I typed "Define: bacchanalia" into my Google bar and Google gave three replies. I was more-or-less correct.
Basically, the word means "orgy". It comes from the ancient festival that honored the Roman god "Bacchus" (or its Greek counterpart, Dionysus.)

What I thought was funny was the Wikipedia entry regarding Bacchanalia:

"...bacchanalia were held in secret and attended by women only, on three days in the year in the grove of Simila near the Aventine Hill, on March 16 and 17. Subsequently, admission to the rites were extended to men and celebrations took place five times a month."

The orgies climbed from three times a year 60. Leave it to the men. Those horny bastards.

Illegal Immigration is Serious

It's a polarizing topic. It's incindiary. Should we be welcoming and hospitable or care for our citizens and pander less to pressure groups?

Well, whatever you think about closed borders and illegal immigration, there is one thing we can all agree on.

Benny Hill music makes everything and anything funny.

Waitstaff Hate Me

I'm really beginning to think there is something to this.

It seems that 90% of the times that I dine out, there is always a problem. Either the waitstaff forget to bring something, screw up the check, are out of a certain dish that we ordered, or something.

My friend Gregg seems to think that I'm the common denominator because he never has problems except for when I'm present. I, on the other hand, have developed a new theory; perhaps he is the cause of all the problems because since I had dinner with him that one time at Max's Cafe in Core Madera (?), every visit to a restaurant has become an excercise in patience and self-denial. Before that fateful trip to Max's, I don't recall having problems.

Perhaps part of my problem stems from the fact that I have unreasonably high expectations from the Waitstaff. Perhaps it's too much to assume that fetching a glass of water should take longer than - say,... 90 seconds. Perhaps I should recalibrate my compass and expect water to get to me as if that water was frozen in the center of a massive glacier. Then, when the waitstaff brings the water after 40 minutes and scowls at me when they deliver it, I will be happy it came sooner than the next ice age (or global heat wave, as the trendy ones prefer.)

Yet another incident occurred yesterday at my first experience at SFO Pizzeria in Fremont.

To summarize, the waitstaff offered apple juice to my daughter and then returned to tell her they were all out.
The waitstaff offered the shrimp and crab fondue appetizer and then returned later to inform us they were just kidding. That was out of stock as well.

The waitstaff offered to take a replacement order from us but neglected to bring us a menu.
The waitstaff pretended that our burger was going to be ready in '5 more minutes' after we've already consumed most of the pizza and were already full; but the truth is more likely that they forgot to make the burgers until we were half-way through the meal.

The waitstaff brought a strawberry white cake that would have been more accurately described as "white cake; sans fruit or berries of any kind".
Then, when the waitstaff brought our check, they decided they would charge us for the shrimp and crab fondue that they meant to keep in stock but was, in fact, nowhere on the premises.

Sometimes I wonder if there are deadly dragons in the kitchen that the waitstaff have to gallantly battle while preparing our meals and drinks. Or perhaps the inner workings of restauranteering is much more complex than I imagine. I'm now thinking there are Bunsen burners, Tesla coils, half-man-half-bison monstrosities held behind unbreakable steel cages, and a lot of math involved in bringing a strawberry white cake that actually has strawberries on it.

Waitstaff have one job: wait on you. What is so difficult about that? They even have notepads on which they can write down the things you say so that they don't have to spend brainpower to remember what you said. They need only the ability to read their own handwriting to be successful at their jobs.

Seriously; am I asking too much?

Mars and Venus at Home Depot

I recently saw one Home Depot commercial (of many) where the bumbling husband can't find his way around a Home Depot and either his wife or a friendly, female associate is able to direct him toward the right products to help his home-improvement project work out right.

In principle, I don't have a problem with this scenario because I'm sure it's happened before.

But come on. Let's not get carried away with the stereotype. When was the last time one of you ladies spearheaded a home-improvement or handyman project? When was the last time you saw a woman sitting up in a sky scraper eating her lunch of beer, jalepenos, roast beef, and beer? And cigarettes.


Let's call a spade a spade, OK? No matter how much the spade thinks that turning itself upside down and coloring itself red makes it resemble a heart, it's still a spade. I don't have the specific stats in front of me, but I will venture a guess that all the massive bridges whose spans cover watery abysses have 3" rivets that were twisted into place by the calloused hands of manly men; not liberated women.

Do I sound enough like a chauvinist to get you riled and angry? Leave me a comment!

Vader Prefers His Home Theater As Well

I've heard people snoring, kids climbing the railings like they're jungle gyms, of course the requisite loud talkers and chewers, seatback kickers, and so on.
What are some of your multiplex horror stories?

(Once, I had a lady who brought an infant to watch The Ring. Shocker: the baby cried through much of the movie. Surprise surprise.)

Rosie O'Donnell is ghost

As I mentioned in the previous post, O'Donnell reports that she is unable to come to terms with ABC and will not be returning to The View next year.

Two things to note about this video:
1) She says that ABC wanted her for a three-year stint but she only wanted one. You might be able to convince me that Tesla's teleportation device really works before you convince me that ABC wanted this controversy and hate-mail magnet back on their show for three years. If anything, Rosie wanted one year and they wanted her gone yesterday. But since they have a contract with her that lasts through the rest of this season, they just decided not to renew.

2) I like how Rosie reports to her audience (was there even an audience? All I heard were crickets) that she's not returning and she has to holler out "HOWEVER..." as if she was expecting a chorus of sympathetic awws and disappointed boos. Instead, she was greeted with all the excitement you get when houseguests watch you pour water into a glass.



I'm sure this will not be the last of my Rosie O'Donnell posts, although we're that much closer to not posting about her rants on The View. Rejoice!

Falling Behind... it's the story of my life

I've been slammed.

Between catching up on my backlogged wedding movie edits, building a jaguar, designing church logos, planning the furnishings for the church library, creating a new ad for Brides.com magazine, working on the TCCBC's Relay for Life logo, eHometours, prepping our house for sale, doing photographers' promo video shoots, tooling with my car's tire pressure sensor gauge, and a myriad of other things, I haven't been blogging as much as I have been.

I'm going to try to catch you up a little...

Building a Jaguar Parts 4, 5, and 6.
Part 4


After the screen mesh is in place, it's time to finish the clay formations (head and paws.) Then, with papier maché (or "paper" maché, for you Anglophiles,) you cover the entire animal - from head to tail. I sprayed the clay with matte finish primer/sealer to allow it to soak less water.



The papier maché consists of unreadable, biased newspaper (SF Chronicle, or the NY Times, if you can get it) torn to strips. The strips are dipped in a one-part-Elmers-glue/one-part-water solution; finger squeagied to avoid over-soaking; and applied to the form.



After it dries we go to step 5.

Part 5

Part five entails discovering that the jaguar's head is too heavy, surgically removing it with an exacto knife and pliers (the quintessential one-two punch of tool combos for all respectable surgeons.) Then replacing the head with a rubber ball and balled-up newspaper wrapped in duct tape.

Part 6

After papier maché-ing the entire animal and letting the 'skin' dry, we move to paint. I initially tried tempra paint, which, because I bought the cheapest brand I could find, applied too thin and didn't properly coat the jaguar. I returned the unused bottles and came back with good old fashioned Krylon Spray Paint.

Next we will add the tail, spots, ears, and facial features.

Rosie O'Donnell Gets Canned

Of course you've heard the story. Rosie O'Donnell finally leaves ABC's The View. The official statement is that she couldn't come to a contract agreement, but I imagine the behind-closed-door-meetings went something like this:

Rosie: Yes, Mr. McPherson? You wanted to see me?
Steve: You know how you and Trump keep feuding?
Rosie: Yes?
Steve: Do you think you could do an impression?
Rosie: I dunno. It's been a while since I've -
Steve: Here's mine: You're Fired.

how to build a jaguar (#3)

now, after the wire frame has been fleshed out with mesh, you can start to see how this thing will be a jaguar. i've begun the molding of the paws with clay. the tin can on the head is for me to form the head with. I need to fasten it to the wire frame and I need to keep it hollow as well. yes, it's true that I didn't list the can as one of essesntial items, but the Rockstar is also an essential ingredient and I didn't mention that either. Sometimes you gotta just do what you gotta do.

how to build a jaguar (#2)

step 2:

with the use of pliers, bend the copper wire and duct tape into a shape of a jaguar. then use the screen mesh to flesh out the structure.

Who got the ticket?

I previously posted a blurb about someone who got a ticket in our church parking lot.

The only clue I gave about the identity of the perp was that he was "notorious" for driving above the speed limit.

Well, without verbally giving away the person's identity, here is a closer look at the picture I took of the incident.

how to build a jaguar (#1)

this is step one of my multi-step papier mache jaguar project.

included ingredients include: glue, newspaper,clay, duct tape, screen mesh, 50 guage copper wire, and pliers/wire cutter.

council meeting

Kerman LOVES attending meetings.

Solvang Day Three and Four

Here is a short video (~ 1 min) from days three and four of our trip.

This video was shot entirely from my Cingular 8525.

CLICK HERE
Enjoy!

Solvang Day Three

We drove down to Universal Studios on day three.
Here are pictures:

Paying an extra parking fee gets you closer to the park. You forgo the 15-minute walk by doing so.

Here Hannah got her socks and shoes all wet in the "Coke Soak" water park area.

Cleopatra Hannah.

It's a good thing the local cops are checking for speeders in the 76 station.

More to come.

Solvang Day Two

Firstly, I'm sorry for the late post.
The internet connection here at the time-share is garbage. I'm only now getting logged on.
Here are pictures from our first day hanging out in Solvang, CA.

This is the four-man surrey that we rented. We got the second hour free because of a coupon that we had, but we didn't use the thing for two hours because it was hard work pedaling up and down the hills.

This is a Dutch or German or Finnish phrase posted on the surrey. If anyone knows what it means, please let me know. Babelfish couldn't do anything with it.

Here is the surrey rental shop.

The "Mustard Seed" is a restaurant that we ate at the first day in Solvang. I wouldn't recommend it. (I wouldn't recomment AGAINST it, but it wasn't very memorable.)

solvang day one

here's a dirty gas station bathroom that poor hannah had to use.

random picture of the day

kira at the easter egg hunt.

Our Resident Speed Racer

someone we know (notorious for excessive speeding) got stopped by a cop. no word on if there was a ticket issued or not.

random picture of the day

hannah's sour-face after eating a fresh kumquat

Random pic o' the day

kids playing Legos

Sanjaya = Big

Big mouth.

Big hair.

Big ego.
(Note: If you don't have a barf bag handy, I suggest letting the video buffer and then just fast-forwarding to the 2:25 mark)



That's right. Sanjaya says, "THANK YOU! Welcome to the Universe of Sanjaya!"

Sanjaya: the big-mouthed, big haired, big ego big mistake.

Nissan's Upcoming 500HP GT-R

Here is a video edited together from several spy-video clips of the Nissan GT-R. The world gets to see it at the Tokyo Auto show in October. You get to see it now.

mms photo test

"Please Excuse Our Dust"

Have you ever seen those signs in department stores or strip malls that say "Please excuse our dust" while they remodel or renovate?

Well, I'm trying to test Blogger's Moblogging (mobile blogging) features that include delivery and posting of video clips and photos from your mobile phone to your blog.

Please excuse my dust.

MMS Moblog test

iwant to test this

my first moblog

this is my fiirst moblogging test

Arizona Trip Blog Part 3

Today Lisha, Matt and I headed all over Tucson to shoot their Love Story Video. I had a great time because they were not only gracious hosts, but awesome tour guides as well. I was literally driven all over Tucson and saw several landmarks and neighborhoods.

The pictures below are of the Sabino Canyon.




I also got to try the "The Goose Firkin" pizza (red sauce, garlic, jalepenos, onion, green pepper, and sausage) at Frog & Firkin English Pub on University Blvd near U of A, Lisha's alma mater. Yummy pizza, for sure.

Matt took us down to his work at the Border Patrol and showed me some killer thermal imaging cameras, tactical vests (complete with handcuffs and gun holster), and wicked customized Humvees.

One of the (many) cool things I saw was what locals call "the Bone Yard"; a junkyard for retired military planes. There were C130 cargo planes, Warthogs, and Phantoms among others. You can read up on the Bone Yard (Google Search) HERE.

Tomorrow we will do some more shooting and I'll fly home for some rest. Too bad my stopover in Las Vegas is only for an hour. :)

Arizona blog part two

I just touched down in phoenix. The flight from sf was only about an hour and ten minutes. I was actually able to sleep a little on the plane. But considering the fact I had to wake up at 3:45 am, it's not real surprising.

I have about an hour to kill here in the terminal before my next flight departs. Unfortunately, I don't have any fun things to do so I just keep thunking about how wearing these jeans in 90 degree Tucson heat will likely be just as uncomfortable as it sounds.

On the flip side, i'm excited about shooting this Love Story Video for Lisha and Matt. I think it will turn out great!

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Andrew Hsu
Director/Producer
Morning Star Videography

Arizona Blog Part One

4am is not the time humans should be awake... Much less driving to th airport to catch a connecting flight from Phoenix to Tucson.

I bought an egg croissant and a kiwi stawberry Snapple at an airport café-type place and it cost me $10 and change.
There's a word for that. It's called extortion.

(This message was delivered via a mobile device.)
Andrew Hsu
Director/Producer
Morning Star Videography