Elite Sports Ribbon Cutting Ceremony

I attended Jacon and Jachin's Elite Sports Physical Therapy (ESPT) ribbon cutting ceremony yesterday and here are some pictures that I took. I don't know the names of any of the Chamber of Commerce people so I just make up the captions as I go. Some have captions, some do not. None of the commentary reflects the views of ESPT management. Trust me.

Jake, I have high res versions of these photos (and others) if you want them. I wouldn't send any clients or networking associates to this link. Especially not the drunk guy.

Jessica is the only Earthling worthy of wielding the enchanted giant scissors stolen from a dragon's lair. She "will not be toyed with."

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Byron Samuels, head of the Chamber of Commerce passes out non-descript black items. Yvette, Jachin, Jake, and Amanda all got one. Is it a coincidence that the four of them have since complained about deep migraines and claimed to have dreamt about terrifying images of the future? I think not.
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If classrooms across the nation were properly stocked with these types of utensils, we, as caring adults would never have to tell little kids to not run with scissors. Please, America. Do it for the children.

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Steve Marriott says this guy has been drinking red wine since 3pm. The ceremony started at 4pm. By 5:30 pm, he was throwing trash into the laundry basket and crying on people's shoulders about how he shouldn't have doubled down on a 7 and a 7 at Bay 101 the previous night. Here Yvette says, "umm... yeah, I'll have to check my schedule." Translation: "In your dreams, fruitcake."

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Here Mayme writes a poem with "slant rhymes". Slant rhymes are the lazy poet's excuse for not getting his 'rhyming wheel' from the desk upstairs. Mayme, don't be lazy.

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Brian Stucklemeir, president of the Fremont Elks Club poses with Jake. What? Oh. Did I say this guy's name was Byron Samuels? No, it's not the same guy. This is his identical hand twin. Who happens to also be his identical body twin.

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...Why guests stayed so long.
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