Tom Cruise is Chatty

Imagine I call you to tell you something but you're not home to answer the phone (or maybe you are but you don't want to hear what I have to say.) Now imagine your answering machine picks up and I leave a message. Oh, I dunno... maybe about 30-seconds long.

I say something like, "you should come to our special meeting on Saturday. I haven't seen you in a while. There is a potluck afterward so bring something and have lunch with us." Plus some other pleasantries like, "how've you been?", or "let's go watch a movie soon", or some other nicety.

Then I hang up. But imagine then I call again in about three minutes. Then I say, "oh, I forgot to tell you. The special meeting starts at 10am and there is meditation right after that." Maybe I add in another little anecdote like, "I drove past your house the other day. Your lawn looks really green. Remind me to ask you about how you keep it looking so healthy." Then I hang up.

But then, in three minutes, I call again. "Are you going to come on Saturday? Let me know if you need a ride." click.

3-minutes later... "Yeah, so if you have any special preferences as far as food is concerened, call me and tell me so I will be sure to bring a dish you'll love. Cheerio!" click.

3 minutes: "oh. yeah. So... ummm... what will you wear? I don't want to wear the same thing that you wear. That would be creepy. Don't you think? Call me." click.

3 min: "Did you call me? Sorry, I was on the phone and I don't have call waiting so I'm not sure if I missed your call. Anyway... call me." click.

3 min: "So check this out... I'm totally like, embarrassed! I don't even think you have my phone number. How can you have called me? I'm so stupid sometimes. I swear. Ha ha ha ha. OK. See ya." click.

3 min: "My phone number is 789-4561. Let me know about Saturday mkay? buh." click.

4 min: "that's a 310 area code, by the way. bye. Let me know if you need a ride. Oh wait. I already said that, huh? Sorry for repeating myself. heh. What's more annoying than a guy repeating himself? Funny. OKbye." click.

3 min: "hey, dude. Sorry for calling back again. Can you give me your cell number? I'm pretty sure you're not home so in the future it might be better that I just call your cell, you know? So I don't leave like 18 messages on your machine or something. ha ha ha. That'd be funny. 18 messages... OK.... see you. On Saturday." click.

3 min: "Did you talk to Katie? Cuz Katie said you were interested in going to church but didn't know when the service started... Katie should know so she should have told you. That's kinda weird. Well, anyway, you know now, right? It's 10am. See you. Let me know if you need a ride." click.

5 min: "I just realized that I said 10 am... it's actually 10:30 am. I mean they open the doors at 10 am but there is some singing and stuff that happens before the actual sermon starts... so if you want to just catch the sermon portion, that's probably more like 10:30 am. Or 10:20. So anyway... I just didn't want you to show up and be all, 'dude. what's all this singing?' and stuff, you know? Alright. Talk to you later." click.

5 minutes: "Come to think of it, it might be better to just arrive in time for the start. So... yeah... so it starts at 10. I'll give you a ride if you need one. Just call me and let me know." click.

5 minutes: "Or you can email me. My email is 2shrt2cute62 at yahoo dot com. Or you can just call. That might be easier. If you email I might not get it in time, you know? I don't check email that often. I usually spend a lot of time on my model airplanes. I just got this one that is a 1/16th scale Japanese Zero. It's pretty cool. Good detail work in the cockpit and landing gear. Do you want to see it? You can come over if you want. Just maybe... you know... wear a flea collar on your wrist.... yeah... I got this flea problem. I think it's from the stray raccoons that I caught. They're just skins now so the fleas should go away soon. Anyway... so yeah. You can call or email. It's up to you." click

1 minute later: "Just call me. I have my phone right here. I'll just clip it to my belt here... that way I won't miss your call." click

8 minutes later: "I just called Katie. She says your home. She said she just dropped off some table runners for your 'party'. Are you throwing a party this weekend? When I asked you when it starts you said it was cancelled. What's going on? Are you avoiding me? Why are you avoiding me? Look: Don't forget, I came to your wedding and brought you some really nice crystal stuff… it was expensive. The crystal pyramids and the special instructions weren't just for anybody – they were for people who I thought were good friends. I can't understand why you won't pick up the phone. I know you're home. I know it! Pick up! I know you can hear me!… VICTORIA! PICK UP THE PHONE!! [...] Look, just come to the meeting on Saturday, OK? We'll talk then." click

1 minute later: "Hey, sorry I went all crazy. I'll see you soon. […] Saturday. I'd better see you there. […] OK. Bye." click.


Now imagine that you're Victoria Beckham and I'm Tom Cruise. 18 calls in one hour. That's how crazy I am.

"Victoria is sick and tired of Tom being on her back about Scientology," says the source. "Victoria is an old-fashioned British woman who believes in God. She finds it quite rude that Tom is bugging her so much. Not too long ago, Tom left 18 messages in one hour to get them to join the church."